Don’t hold me up now,
I can stand my own ground,
I don’t need your help now,
You won’t let me down, down, down!
— Prayer of the Refugee (Rise Against)
“The greatest people I ever met are those who are willing to listen.“
I couldn’t agree more.
That’s why I tend to like listening to people, – and I have been told I’m a good listener – hoping that I would get this favor back in return in my time of need, but I’m usually turned down. Now I only listen to the people who deserve, but even those, sometimes turn me down.
Sometimes its hard to find people to open up to and trust. Till this day, I haven’t found someone who can do it, and till I do so (if I ever do), my blog (and personal diary) will be the only things I open up to.
I was checking my RSS feeds, and I came across a blog entry that reminded me of pretty much what I was feeling and thinking about, a couple of days ago.
This was my reply to her. She pretty much said all what I had to say, in her own way. Though we might have personality differences, she still got it right for me.
Some people are really not worth listening to, or giving any attention. They seem really nice and everything, and they might actually be nice people, but they just don’t know when to get involved, when to step in and help a friend in need. Actually, they don’t even think about it.
I wouldn’t say I’m not a people’s person, I am. I have contacts, not friends. Maybe Classmates, group mates, people I know from university, spend some time with them, and thats it. But for my friends, I’m a kind of selfish person. I’d have a small circle of friends around me, whom I share with a lot of things, and expect the same back. This never happens. I know people among my friends whom, if I disappear this very second, they’d ask once and then forget about it, and they probably know way more about me than I know about them. Call me naive, but thats how I am.
Most of the time, I get upset over that, but really, thats how it is and how everyone is. I just have some trouble accepting it. I expect everyone to listen to me, just the way I listen to them when they have problems, and expect them to do me favors just about as much as I do them, but it doesn’t really work that way. And if I stop being Mr. Really really nice, I’d feel they think of me as a rude person, because I’m either really nice of really rude, and balancing isn’t for me.
So what did I gain out of all that? A couple of really close friends (and yes, they turn me down too), and a handful of good friends, and a ton of people I only “know“, and that pretty much is it.
I don’t know how to deal with it, and really I don’t need to deal with it. This doesn’t mean I’m wrong, it only means that I wont be needy anymore.
From now on, its Me, Myself and I. Thats how things should work from now on.
Thanks Mona for bringing this up